Puny humans buy Monster-Size Hulk #1

Raaaarrrgh! Hulk smash stupid monsters!! Monsters think it is scary season, so monsters can hurt Hulk. Stupid monsters learn no one can hurt Hulk, not even monsters. You don't believe Hulk? Read Monster-Size Hulk #1 comic and see for yourself, puny reader! Hulk tell you how great comic is!

Many stories in this book! In first story, stupid Banner meets pretty Frankenstein lady. Pretty lady tricks stupid Banner, so Banner meets angry monster! Frankenstein monster is even uglier than Hulk. Lady tries to hurt Hulk, so Hulk and monster smash each other. Then Hulk and monster smash puny army guys. Then some other stuff gets smashed. Lots of smashing, but Hulk is never scared! Puny comic writer Jeff Parker can't scare Hulk, and neither can Frankenstein Monster.

Puny Banner is stupid. Banner always tries to help bad people, and they hurt Banner. Hulk would laugh at Banner, but when bad people hurt Banner, they hurt Hulk too! In next story, Banner helps dogman Jack Russell. (Ha ha! Funny name for stupid dogman!) Puny writer Steve Niles tells how Hulk smashes smelly dogman. Story has pretty pictures, but still makes Hulk angry.

In Hulk's favorite story, funny-name monster Goom tells scary bedtime story to little monster about Hulk. In bedtime story, Hulk is scariest monster there is! Smart monsters don't want to bother Hulk, because they know Hulk will smash! Smart puny humans must read story so they don't try to hurt Hulk. Hulk makes scary monsters cry! Take that monsters!

Last story in Hulk's Monster-Size Hulk book has many words, not many pictures. Words make Hulk's head hurt, but story is still good. Puny human Peter David tells story about how Hulk meets stupid Count with pointy teeth and cape. Stupid pointy-teeth Count wants to keep Hulk in his smelly old castle, but Hulk not want to stay. Hulk smashes lots of things and Count learns pointy teeth are no match for Hulk.

Puny humans call Hulk monster, but Hulk is no monster. Hulk smashes monsters! Smashes them all! Hulk not tell you again, read Hulk's Monster-Size Hulk comic, and see smashing for yourself. Puny reader will see monsters are not scary, only angry Hulk is scary. Don't make Hulk angry! Read Hulk's comic, or Hulk smash you too!!! If you don't like Hulk's comic, Hulk give money back. And then smash you.

The Game's a Foot: Ender's Game: Battle School #1

It's not easy being a kid. Under normal circumstances, kids have to cope with pressure from school, society, and even their own family. Worst of all, they have to deal with the cruelty of other kids. Imagine how much worse it would be for any kid with the added complication of being the artificially-bred last hope for the human race! And you thought it was tough handling that lumbering mouth-breather who wanted to take your milk money!

Continuing the recent trend of big-time literary adaptations, Marvel gives you the chance to experience all the fun of childhood trauma and isolation in Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game: Battle School #1. This book, by writer Christopher Yost and artist Pasqual Ferry, is the first link in a chain of limited series that will ultimately adapt the entirety of Card's much-loved novel. This first issue certainly gets things off to a promisng start.

Andrew "Ender" Wiggin is the third child of the Wiggin clan to be eyed for a position in Battle School. His brother, Peter, was promising, but proved to be a little too unstable. His sister, Valentine, was far too kind and sensitive to be of use. Ender, however, seems like he may be just right. His first test is surviving without the monitor that has tracked him all his life. With the monitor gone, Ender is at the mercy of both cruel bullies and his own siblings. How he survives on his own, if he survives on his own, will be his final test. Does Ender have what it takes to save humanity from the terrifying alien Formics?

Christopher Yost's adaptation of Card's book is excellent. Readers are quickly pulled into the story, and Ender's travails are relatable to almost anyone. Pasqual Ferry also does an excellent job portraying both the human drama and the futuristic look of Ender's world. Creating a credible sci-fi universe in a comic is not an easy task, but these creators have pulled it off in a way that makes it seem like an alien cake-walk. (Mmmm, alien cake...)

If Ender can fight to save the human race from the Formics, the least you can do is read this book! Don't let the bullies scare you away from doing the right thing! Stop by Four Color Fantasies this week and try out the guaranteed Book of the Week: Ender's Game: Battle School #1. Besides, when Ender gets angry, he does have a tendency to start kicking people in the groin, repeatedly. Don't make Ender angry.

A Don't Miss Crime Drama: Top 10 #1

Police dramas have been around for quite a while. It seems like almost every possible permutation of this genre has been done somewhere, in books, TV, or movies. Leave it to Alan Moore to come up with a new twist on the "cop show," one that perfectly combines the best elements of the classic police procedural with the best elements of super-hero comics.

Top Ten, originally created by Alan Moore and Gene Ha, launched a while back as part of Moore's America's Best Comics line. Top Ten exists in a universe of countless parallel dimensions, where the Omniversal HQ oversees a multi-dimenional police force. Each dimension has its own way of doing things, but that hasn't worked out too well for the officers of Parallel 10. Theirs is a world in which almost everyone has a super-power, and a heroic (or villainous) identity. That makes keeping Parallel 10 safe pretty difficult, especially when the former commissioner went a little megalomaniacal.

As Top Ten: Season Two begins, the men and women of Parallel 10 have to get used to a new boss. The new commissioner, operating remotely from boring Parallel 61, has some big changes in mind. The worst of which, for a world full of colorfully dressed super-folks, includes getting rid of the officer's unique costumes and exotic weapons. In order to help the new boss keep an eye on things, he installs the straight-laced (but awesomely named) Slipstream Phoenix to work with the folks at Parallel 10.

Unfortunately, that isn't the worst of Top Ten's troubles. On top of having to deal with a new boss and a new guy on the team, a very unpleasant mystery turns up in the fountain right outside HQ. In the apparent blink of an eye, 12 strangled teenage girls appear floating in the tranquil pool. Amazingly, all the bystanders happened to be looking the other way when the bodies appeared. And all the surveillance cameras glitched at the key moment. This is not the kind of mystery any police department wants on its doorstep.

Writer Zander Cannon and returning artist Gene Ha, bring action, mystery, and character, to the fine folks policing Parallel 10. If you loved the first series, you definitely don't want to miss Season Two. If you have never met the officers of Top Ten before, this is a great place to join in the action. In fact, it would be a real crime to miss this guaranteed Book of the Week. (Police-related pun fans, you're welcome.)

The Next Big Comics Thing: Stephen King's The Stand Captain Trips

The end of summer can be a tough time. There's a nip in the air, kids have gone back to school, leaves are starting to turn brown and fall from the trees. Oh, and, worst of all, you get one of those darn September/October colds that you can't quite get rid of. You get the sniffles and a scratchy throat. You're not really sick enough to stay in bed, just sick enough to feel miserable. At least, you THINK it's a cold. What else could it be? Maybe it's just the end of the world...

In the wake of Marvel's successful team-up with Stephen King on the Dark Tower series, we have another, even more ambitious, project from the House of Ideas and the best selling author. The Stand: Captain Trips #1 is the beginning of Marvel's adaptation of Stephen King's longest, and most beloved, novel. If you ask any Stephen King fan, I'd lay fair odds that they'll rank The Stand as King's best. It was once recommended to me as the book that you'll love, even if you don't like anything else by Stephen King. Considering the epic length of this book, Marvel seems to have made a wise move by adapting it as a series of mini-series, rather than one massive run. It should keep things manageable for both readers and creators.

Captain Trips introduces us to a virus that destroys civilization as we know it. Things starts out innocently enough when Charlie Campion rushes home in the middle of the night to collect his wife and baby. There's been an accident at the military base. Everyone there is dead, but Charlie got out in time. He's taking his family far away. Luckily, the wind seems to be blowing away from them, so everything is going to be alright. Though Charlie does seem to have a nagging cough...

Of course, it isn't long before the disease is spreading, people are dying, and no one can safely assume that a cold is just a simple cold. The script by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa sticks closely to King's book, while doing a great job of making the story work as a comic. This is a story that takes place in a very real world, filled with very real people, and the art from Mike Perkins perfectly captures that realistic vibe. You could easily see the same guys hanging out at your local filling station as the guys who pull the dying Campion from his car. The fact that this could all believably be happening to you, to your friends and neighbors, is what makes the horror so effective.

So hypochondriacs beware! If the faintest sniffle, ache, or pain sends you into a panic, you may not have a strong enough constitution for The Stand! For everyone else, this first issue is your chance to get in on what could well be the next big thing in comics. What more could readers hope for than some of Marvel's best creators adapting the most popular work of one of the most successful writers of all time? That's a load of superlatives! So grab a tissue, take some vitamin C, and pick up a copy of this guaranteed Book of the Week. Just make sure your hands are clean before you come in the store...

A Groundbreaking Series: X-Men: Magneto Testament #1

Comics are a great storytelling medium, because they can do so many different things extremely well. Whether you like epic space adventure, quiet personal drama, violent tales of terror, or super-heroes kicking each other's teeth out, a good comic can deliver. Some comics can even teach you something about history, in an emotional and moving way, while streamlining the origin story of a mutant leader in a purple helmet. Now that's an achievement!

X-Men: Magneto Testament #1, by Greg Pak and Carmine Di Giandomenico, is the first issue in a five issue limited series that streamlines all the diverse bits and pieces about Magneto's early years that various writers have given us over the years. This is no easy task. Any comic book character that has been around for over 40 years,and been in the hands of countless creators, is bound to have an incredibly convoluted back story. Magneto is certainly no exception to that rule.

Luckily for readers, the creators of this series have clearly done their research. Not only have they spent years reading up on the character, they've delved into their history textbooks too. The most compelling aspect of this character is his childhood as a Jewish boy living in Germany during the rise of the Nazis. Just because this is a super-hero comic, don't assume this terrible and tragic period of history will be treated lightly. The creators have clearly tried to portray this era in a realistic, truthful, way. Readers will almost certainly find themselves emotionally involved and angry as they read this tale.

The first issue introduces us to Magneto as young Max Eisenhardt (The first time Magneto's actual birth name has been revealed.), as a typical young boy. The nine year old son of a Jewish craftsman living in Germany, Max is just discovering his own skills, and just discovering an interest in girls. His eye is particularly caught by a young cleaning girl called Magda, and he has been crafting jewelry for her from remnants found in his father's workshop. Tragically, Max's young life goes horribly wrong as he and his family fall victim to the racial hatred of the Nazis....

If you are a fan of Magneto, or Marvel's mutants in general, you certainly don't want to miss this groundbreaking series. If you have never picked up an X-Book, but you like comics that emotionally involve you, and give you some serious substance to think about, you also don't want to miss this one. Great art, great story, and the definitive early years of one of Marvel's greatest characters! What more could you possibly want in a comic? Check out X-Men: Magneto Testament #1 now, while it is Four Color Fantasies' guaranteed Book of the Week.